Speculo Gaudium
by Avenging Neko
Summary: Mirror, mirror on the wall, let us glimpse the worlds our author saw. / A new series of oneshots and crackshots based off the ideas I get reading Jubalii's stories.
1. Chapter 1

**Speculo Gaudium**

 _ **Ketti:**_ Oh, look! I'm not dead! Or blind. But the double vision comes and goes. And... yeah. I just haven't been writing much, but JuJu has, and it's been inspiring me. Especially her newest story, haha. After all, Seras needs something to take revenge for!

 **1- Fledgling Furniture**

 _Knock, knock, knock._

The intimidating iron and wood door swung open of its own accord, revealing a pale blonde woman in a rather revealing gold uniform standing in the threshold, blue eyes searching the dimly lit cavernous room that held a throne like chair and the red clad figure reclining regally upon it.

"You wanted to see me, Master?" Her soft soprano carried easily through the basement room and to the elder vampire's ears. His lips twitched and he crooked a gloved finger at her without speaking. Lips pursing a little in trepidation, she inched forward a step, only to feel a phantom push and eep in surprise as the door slammed shut behind her. Well, her path of escape was blocked, and she had yet to learn her Master's trick of walking through walls, so she had little choice but to face the music – though what she could have done she had no idea! – and so she loped down the steps with an unearthly grace, completely unaware of how something as simple as walking had changed for her after her rebirth into undeath. She hesitated a moment as she drew closer to her Master's throne, but he despised cowardice above all else, and if she _had_ done something, balking would only make it worse. So she forced her chin up a notch, despite the urge to tuck it down into the turtleneck of her jacket, and stood within easy arm's reach for the tall, almost gangly, man she called her Sire.

His red eyes peeked out from behind the amber lenses of his glasses as he tipped his head to observe her with a Cheshire grin spreading across his face. "Such a brave little fledgling," he cooed mockingly, grabbing her by the waist and yanking her into his lap. She shrieked and went stiff as a board, her own gloved hands wrapping around his in an attempt to pry it loose. "My Master informs me," he continued as if nothing were happening, "that she finds your education lax. I've been instructed," his fingers tightened around her hip, digging into the bone, "to give you a proper lesson, Sire to fledgling."

Seras' face pinched in discomfort as she strained against his iron hold, "I-is that so?"

"Yes," he agreed, pointed teeth gleaming in the flickering light of the wall sconces, "And I, the ever obedient servant, have decided to play along." She winced, hissing through her teeth as she felt her bones beginning to grate in protest and she went still. "Do you know the most important lesson a vampire must learn, fledgling?"

His words came as a purr, silky, sibilant, like rich dark chocolate poured over her ear. She thought for a moment, but all the answers that came to mind sounded absurd. Hesitantly, she offered; "Don't get caught?"

He threw back his head and laughed, the sound roaring against her eardrums like gunfire. His teeth seemed sharper, _longer_ , as he returned those crimson eyes to her, amusement and malice lighting the flickering depths. "That's a good guess," he praised, "but it's wrong. The most important lesson a vampire can learn… is patience."

He shoved her abruptly, and she twisted without thought, landing on all fours to break her fall, yet before she could get up, a pair of heavy booted feet landed across her spine. She jerked and braced herself against the stones as she turned her head to give the male an incredulous stare.

"As a vampire, your muscles will never tire, and your joints will not weary of holding the same position for hours. After all, we sleep quite literally like the dead, fledgling." Alucard lectured in a gleeful tone, making himself obscenely comfortable upon his throne with his own personal footrest. "You must learn that time has little meaning to Midians, fledgling, for we are frozen, stuck in one spot while the world around us turns. Days, weeks, years, they might as well be the blink of an eye to us. Patience is key, Seras."

The use of her name startled her into giving her full attention to the madman whose blood ran through her veins. After a short pause, she bowed her head, "I understand, Master."

"Good," he proclaimed and tapped his heels against her spine, "I hope you're as comfortable as I am, Police Girl, you're going to hold this position until sunrise." She could _hear_ the smirk in his voice and she ground her teeth in irritation. Trust him to be all serious and lecturing, only to spoil it with his twisted sense of humor. She'd be sure to thank Sir Integra for tonight's lesson indeed.

Her nose itched.

She closed her eyes and stopped breathing, trying to force the irritating sensation away. She really wished she knew how to grow her hair, or keep it from growing back, because she'd been meaning to go in for a trim to get that one strand that always tickled her face irritatingly, until the Cheddar incident happened, and wouldn't you know it, but she was stuck with it for eternity.

* * *

Her nose itched.

She tried counting sheep, but all that threatened to do was put her to sleep, so she stopped at three hundred and twenty nine.

Her nose itched.

Finally she gave in and puffed air at the strand, only for it to smack her in the eye. Yelping in dismay, she reached up and grabbed the strand between her gloved fingers with the intent to rip it out, only to feel a heavy _smack_ across the back of her head. A little dazed, she looked up at Alucard with a betrayed expression, only to find him brandishing a rolled up newspaper and a maniacal grin. "Tsk, tsk, fledgling," he scolded with glee, "the purpose of this lesson is to _not_ move." He twirled the index finger of his other hand in a 'turn around' motion, and after a moment of her staring at him dumbly, the paper smacked her full on the center of her face. It didn't startle her as badly this time, but it still stung like hell, so she turned back with a muffled growl rumbling in her throat as she tried to resume her previous position.

Her nose itched.

* * *

Seconds passed like minutes.

Minutes passed like hours.

Hours passed like days.

Through it all her Master was as quiet as a mouse, and she amused herself with the thought that he was daydreaming – or was it nightdreaming, since they were vampires? – while she knew it couldn't be half as long as it felt, he had said it would only be until the sun rose, she was bored out of her mind. For a girl raised in the modern era, it was hard not to fidget with impatience. She was a social creature by nature, craving conversation to pass the time. One too many whacks to the head with the paper had taught her not to even shift her weight a little for something to do.

Her nose still itched on occasion when her thoughts wandered in circles, but she forced herself to ignore it until it went away, usually in the form of a piece of hair tickling her neck or cheek.

So she was surprised when the motony broke; there was a cursory knock of warning before the heavy door opened on squeaky hinges – she was a little amused that Alucard had figured out a way to open it without such an annoying noise, yet left poor Walter to suffer through it – to reveal Hellsing's retired Angel of Death. Fortunately, she'd left her head up just enough to see him out of the corner of her eye, and she couldn't help the relieved smile pulling the corners of her lips up. Walter returned the brief smile as he gazed at her with his own moment of relief at seeing her, "There you are, Miss Victoria. I see your Master is… teaching." Walter was the master of droll humor, and Alucard laughed, shifting his feet across her spine. _'Able to hold the same position for hours my butt.'_ Seras grumbled internally, grunting a bit as the heels dug into her skin through her uniform jacket.

' _ **If you insist.'**_ Her Master purred maliciously in response to her thoughts, propping one foot on his fledgling's upraised posterior.

Walter kept his face neutral as he deposited a fresh ice bucket containing a bottle of what Seras was half sure contained wine, but she'd never investigated it closely enough to find out.

"Is the lesson going well, then?" Walter inquired with a hint of amusement coloring his polite tone. Seras stuck her tongue out at him before shaking her head, only to yip as the foot on her bum lifted and struck back home with a bone jarring force. "Now, now, Walter, you're distracting her." Alucard reprimanded with twisted glee. "The Police Girl is practicing her patience. It's not going very well, is it, my inept little fledgling?"

She stopped herself from responding at the last second, realizing the trap he'd laid for her with a pinched expression of irritation on her pale face. He chuckled and rocked her from side to side with the booted heel propped on her tailbone. "That's better."

The butler coughed delicately as he observed the pair of vampires, "Alucard, do you really think you're the one to teach her about patience, considering your track record?" Seras could only guess at the number of incidents the butler was referring to, privately thinking it must be in the low hundreds if not more.

Her Sire barked a laugh and tipped the poor girl over as his entire body rocked with his mirth, a flutter of hope unfurled that perhaps that meant this lesson was over. "I never claimed to be a good example, now did I?" Alucard cackled as his shadows pushed the girl back into position, ignoring her muffled moan of protest, "I'm the King, I don't have to obey the rules."

Seras felt like beating her head against the stone floor in frustration as Walter shared a knowing look with the trapped blonde before retreating back to his duties around the upper levels. Leaving her alone with her Master, and the silence that threatened to swallow her like an angry ocean.

Her nose itched.


	2. Chapter 2

**Speculo Gaudium**

 _ **Ketti:**_ This one was actually inspired by a webcomic page I read, but JuJu helped me put my own spin on it, She hasn't seen all of this one yet for once! Gasp.

Also, all your reviews, guys? -heart- They make me write more! Though the one I have open isn't one I plan to post until I finish it... Since, you know, I'm horrible about never updating.

* * *

 **2- We Carry Guns For Funs**

It was a calm night, the moon lay low on the horizon, refusing to rise very high, as if the fullness of her pale glory made it too heavy to complete her nightly journey. The vast green lawn of the Hellsing estate was silent, the troops all gathered inside, preferring their breaks from routine spent near the telly, rather than out in the fresh air to look up at the stars. A pair of booted feet tapped lazily against the wall as the legs attached to them swung idly, gloved palms planted on the smooth concrete of the roof to hold up the reclining body, blonde hair gleaming like spun gold, and sky blue irises reflecting the diamond pinpricks as she traced the constellations with her eyes.

It was a lazy night, meant for contemplations and relaxation. Tipping her head back further still, she stole an upside down glance at the crimson figure seated towards the center of the roof, orange sunglasses hiding his eyes and making it nearly impossible to tell what he was looking at. "Master," she chirped, "I've been wondering."

There was silence for a moment as she waited for acknowledgement of her ponderings, but his face remained blank, and her neck was beginning to crick from the angle she held it at, so she continued anyways, "Why do you carry a gun? I mean, you can rip apart an enemy with a flick of your wrist practically!" She couldn't help the slight bounce of her body as she exclaimed over his strength, her balance wobbled a little and she turned to face him, sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce like an eager student.

"Police Girl," he drawled, breaking his silence, "Why must you ask so many questions? You sound like a small child." She blushed, feeling his eyes on her though he hadn't moved an inch. "How many times must I repeat myself? I have my own reasons for doing things. I don't have to explain them to anyone, least of all _you_."

"I," she faltered, looking down at her feet and tracing her finger around the grommet of her topmost lace, "I was just curious is all, Master." Her good mood was quickly deflating and she stood suddenly, not looking at him as she walked along the roof, heading towards the lower level that she used as a sort of oversized stair. She was tired of the silent stars, she decided, and thought she'd rather like to spend the remaining hours of the night inside watching the telly with the men.

A red bar moved across her vision and she balked just before ramming her nose into it, arms flailing as she stumbled back from what she realized was Alucard's sleeve. "Are you sulking?" He asked incredulously, though she couldn't tell much of his expression as she teetered on the edge of falling off the roof the long way. Catching herself, she pursed her lips and lifted her nose in the air. "Well, if I'm a small child, I may as well act the part."

Shadows swept out from the edge of his coat and ensnared her legs, flipping her upside-down to dangle from the edge of the manor, her night vision emphasizing the height she would fall if he dropped her. Squeaking, she glared at him from under the swell of her breasts, "Kinda proving my point there, Master. If you can do stuff like _this_ ," and she wiggled, trying to free herself, but only succeeded in flipping her short skirt up to flash the smirking male her regulation cotton panties, "why do you need a gun?"

He seemed to consider her words, or he was just ogling her for the fun of it, and apparently came to some sort of decision because he took a step towards her, then another. Finally, he stood on the ledge she'd been perched on, the shadow rope hoisting her higher to be at eye level with the maniac that Sired her.

He reached into his red coat and pulled the Cassul from its holster, grinning dementedly as he raised the oversized pistol and pointed it right at her face.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Seras questioned, disliking the situation more and more until she started struggling harder, the movement turning into a lopsided swinging. The Cassul followed her, staying right in her face and seeming to grow larger the longer she stared at it. She swore his finger moved towards the trigger, and she shrieked in alarm.

"Bang, Police Girl, you're dead." Alucard purred reaching out to grab a fistful of blonde locks and bending her like a bow so that their faces were almost touching, albeit in opposite directions. "Pointing a gun at your opponent holds a special place in my black little heart. There's nothing quite like it, swords and spears are one thing, but nothing quite gets a rise out of your opponent like long range artillery. Also?' His cheek brushed hers as his lips pressed to her ear, as if imparting some deep secret, "It's _fun_."

Seras' face scrunched in disgruntlement but she conceded after a moment that the thrill she got from firing her Harkonnen was almost as good as the looks on their target's faces when she appeared on scene with it slung over her shoulder like a badass. "You're right, Master.' She murmured, hoping he'd put her back down on the roof for agreeing with him.

"Do you know what else is fun?" He purred, and she had a sinking feeling in her gut as she shook her head to the negative. "This!" He cackled, dropping her, and she plummeted towards the damp grass with a shriek, anticipating a broken wrist at the very least, only for a black pool of pure shadowstuff to open up beneath her at the last second and she landed in an ungainly heap across Pip's lap at rather high velocity. "Oomph!"

Well, she got her wish, she grumbled as she flopped onto the floor and pushed her skirt back into place as her head swum dizzily. The Geese's laughter didn't help her growing headache, but she casually flipped them the bird as she settled against Pip's legs to watch the novella they were currently engrossed in, though she only understood one out of a hundred or so words.

Idly, she curled her fingers into the pantomime of a gun and pointed it at the telly as the screen went black, "Bang."

Guns for fun indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Speculo Gaudium**

 _ **Ketti:**_ Guess what? (Corgi butt, haha) But no, I decided I have a loooot of stories I've never finished that I could turn into really long one shots. Some of them may be continued at a later date, but for now, I've got at least seven others partially typed in my giant word doc where I'm stashing these ideas. (Last I checked, it was 10k words, and that's **unfinished** ideas.) So while this is technically 'stuff JuJu inspires me to write' a lot of these are far older stories only she has seen in Skype. She inspires me to finish them, does that count?

* * *

3- **Club Blood**

Seras Victoria shifted uneasily in her seat as Alucard pulled the expensive sports car up to the parking lot of the club they were to infiltrate. Nervous fingers tugged at the hem of her slinky blue dress, though it covered more of her thighs than her uniform skirt, it still felt indecent. Glancing down at her matching spike heeled shoes, she made a face at them, thankful that vampires had natural grace that would help her avoid tripping and making an ass of herself. _Though,_ she thought privately to herself, _the whole 'natural grace' thing was a pile of bull with how clumsy she was to begin with…_

"Stop your fidgeting, Police Girl." Her Master grumbled as he parked and the rumbling engine went silent. Seras nodded meekly and opened her door, catching herself on it as her knees threatened to buckle.

He loomed over her on the other side of the door, expression unreadable behind his tinted glasses and the ever present half smile that loved to mock her.

"Nervous, Police Girl?" He purred as he grabbed her upper arm and hauled her upright against his side, casually kicking the door shut behind her. "It's just a mission."

Seras glared at his chest and turned away in a huff, "Yeah? Well when I think 'mission', I think of storming ghoul ridden towns and busting down doors in vampire infested buildings, not …" her expression crumpled and she waved her hand helplessly at the building. "This."

He chuckled maliciously and pulled her flush to his chest once more, walking them towards the front door where the bouncers stood. This was an exclusive club, catering to wealthy humans and supernatural creatures alike. There was a rumor they needed to investigate about a human trafficking ring going on in the basement for blood donations, sex slaves, and pit fights. But first they needed to get inside and wait around, mingle a little and be invited downstairs.

Seras was to be her Master's date for the evening, and her cheeks flushed brightly at thought of what he might do to her to embarrass her or worse when she had to be near him all night in such an intimate setting. Sir Integra had ordered it so casually! Seras had never even been on a date, let alone to a club… How was she supposed to deal with this?

' _ **Relax, Police Girl. It's just for pretend.'**_ His mocking words oozed into her mind, and she stiffened at first before relaxing and nodding reluctantly. Yeah… Sure… Pretend. Joy.

The bouncers didn't even ask for their invitations or identification, all it took was one look at Alucard and they were in.

Seras shivered at the change in the air and stepped even closer to her Sire, a tiny thing dressed in a mid-thigh slinky blue dress, her breasts pushed up practically to her chin with guaranteed ankle breaker high heeled sandals. Her short hair was pulled off of her neck and away from her face in a ponytail, and only a simple blue ribbon hid the bite scars on her pale throat from the casual observer. Her Master wore a more formal version of his usual attire; a blood red suit with a black shirt beneath, the collar half opened in a careless display, his usual hat gone, but his gloves and glasses remained.

He led them straight to the bar, ordering a glass of blood wine, and Seras fidgeted, standing so small next to him, she felt like a child. "Can I just have some pomegranate juice?"

The bar tender gave her a scornful look, "Juice." He repeated flatly, "Are you old enough to even be in here, little girl?"

Seras' blue eyes narrowed in agitation and she glared at the human balefully. "Look," she hissed, "I'm not a heavy drinker, and we're going to be here all night. All I want is a little juice, so shut up and serve it to be already."

There must have been something in her tone, for the man stiffened and nodded, serving her up a glass of iced juice, with its own complimentary mini umbrella, and she smiled sweetly at the man, tiny fangs on full display as she grabbed her drink and left with her chuckling Sire down to the lounge seats ringing the dance floor.

He settled on one of the blood red settees and, before Seras could even hesitate, pulled her down onto his lap. She squeaked and went stiff as a board, nearly spilling her drink as his free hand settled possessively at her hip, holding her still. "Master…"

"Police Girl," he purred back, taking a sip of his wine, hidden gaze wandering the dance floor while she fidgeted.

His hand stayed locked in place on her hip, and she knew she couldn't move it without starting a scene, so she took a sip of her juice and set the glass down on the small table next to them. Not two seconds after she let go of it did a blonde head emerge from the wood, followed swiftly by two perfectly plucked eyebrows and cobalt blue eyes that smoldered up at her. A very pert and pretty nose followed suit, with coral pink lips pulled into a sultry smile, "Well, hello there." The voice was deep and husky, and so absolutely masculine that Seras couldn't help but stare as the black straps of the dress rose out of the table, revealing coral pink and baby blue paneling over a flat chest with a wide black empire waist band circling a toned stomach. Once the shemale's bum was level with the table he swung his fishnet clad legs up and over to cross them delicately opposite their setee - and Seras couldn't help but notice the shiny black spike heeled shoes - looking over his shoulder at Seras and winking lasciviously. "Your hair is just the _perfect_ shade of blonde, luv. I have a weakness for blondes. Would you care to dance?" Black and pink gloved hands travelled up the fishnet, smoothing it over hairless legs as he reclined back and made a grab for her drink. Seras squeaked in protest, and snatched it back, "I don't swing that way!"

The flamboyantly dressed shemale pouted, plump lips pursing as he eyed her sadly, one hand reaching up ti tug a strand of shoulder length blonde hair. "You won't know if you don't try, luv."

Seras' cheeks flamed in embarrassment as her Master chuckled lowly in her ear, "My, my, Police Girl, if I knew that was what you wanted, I'd have done it myself."

She shot him a bewildered look, jumping in alarm as his features shifted before her very eyes, becoming the face of a young teen girl, he winked at her and leaned in to kiss her cheek and Seras shuddered.

The dress clad shemale pouted and looked away, "I see how it s. Hmph. Well, luv, if you get tired of tall dark and scary there, look me up." He gave her a somewhat hopeful smile as he stood up to sashay his way across the dance floor and Seras stared for a moment before pushing her Master's face away. "Stop it!"

He snickered in her ear and ran his tongue along her cheek and she yelped, "Gross!" Turning to glare at him, she was relieved to see him looking his usual manic self, "Master, you're so mean."

He arched his brows mockingly and took a sip of his wine, "Police Girl, you're far too easy to tease."

She huffed and looked away from him, her gaze wandering to the dance floor and the graceful figures twirling and bouncing and all manner of movement, some of which made her blush and look elsewhere. The fingers tightened on her hip, digging punishingly into her skin and she jumped in alarm, looking at him with a _'what did I do?!'_ expression that he ignored. Growling under her breath she snatched up her juice and took a large gulp of it, resolving herself to ignore him as much as possible for the remainder of the night.

As if hearing the thought – and perhaps he did – he pulled her back to his chest and rested his chin on her head, his low voice rumbling through her entire body. "What are you looking at, Police Girl?"

She squirmed a little, trying to pull away from him, but he growled softly and she stilled, fingers clenching around his wrist. "The people dancing," she answered in a neutral tone, taking a small sip of her pomegranate.

He hummed and watched them with her, or at least she assumed he did. Precious seconds passed in relative peace before he stood abruptly, nearly throwing her off his lap as he set his wine and grabbed her juice from her to leave them on the table. She sputtered a bit as she caught her balance, only to be dragged across the dance floor in a flurry of movement that threatened to make her head spin. At last they were in the center of it all, and large hands encircled her waist as Alucard pulled her flush to his chest and began to dance. At least, she thought it was dancing, he was pretty much throwing her around like a ragdoll in time to the pulsing music, the beat of it strangely reminding her of a racing heart. She could feel eyes on her, and flushed crimson as she held tightly to her Sire's arms, barely managing to keep on her toes as he moved through the crowd. One quick glance at his face had her looking elsewhere, and she realized with a start that he was _dancing_ them towards the entrance to the lower level where the rumored black market sales took place.

If there really was human trafficking going on, Hellsing would have no choice but to shut it down. Seras hoped it was just a malicious lie, this place was rather nice.

' _ **And here I thought you hated clubs, Police Girl.'**_ Alucard taunted mercilessly as he glided to a stop and slid through the double doors as though he beloned, dragging her along for the ride. She said nothing as she focused on not tripping and making an ass of herself, keeping up with his longer legs was difficult enough on solid ground, let alone stairs. When they reached the lower level, the doorman gave them a cursory glance before looking away, and Seras had to bite back a gasp of surprise at what awaited them; blood red silks and velvets lined the walls while scantily clad females gyrated sexually on tabletops and thrusted against poles. Cheeks burning in embarrassment she looked away hastily.

' _ **Prude.'**_ He whispered into her mind maliciously as he took a seat at a far table, again pulling her onto his lap. A topless waitress came by and offered them complimentary blood shots, which her Master accepted, while Seras did her best not to stare.

A smooth glass was pressed into her hand and she jumped in alarm before realization struck and she gave her Master an incredulous stare as he smirked and tipped his head back, downing the shot in one gulp. Lips pursing, she raised the glass and sniffed, nose crinkling, "Ugh, B Negative." Setting it aside, she crossed her ankles primly as she did her best to look as though sitting on a man's lap was perfectly natural and normal for her. She probably failed, but, hey she tried.

"So, what are we waiting for?" She finally dared to ask after a drawn out silence stretched between them. He said nothing, merely reclining back in his seat as though she weighed nothing. Huffing through her nose she resisted the urge to fidget as she waited. And waited. And waited.

With nothing to do but people watch, Seras found herself learning a dance move or two from the table top entertainment as more and more vampires filed into the underground room. She noted a bit wryly that no one dared to share the table with them, her Master tended to have that affect on people.

She must have been a little too quiet; he nudged her between her ribs and she was forced to muffle her hiss of pain as he motioned to the dancers.

"I've heard through the grapevine that they're hiring here," he informed her with a sneer. She bit the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to consider his words with a blank expression. _I will not let him get to me any more tonight,_ she promised herself.

"Oh, are they?" she answered coolly, brow arching. "Well, I don't think I'm interested. I'm pretty comfortable at the moment." He grinned and she suppressed a sigh as his legs shifted beneath her. Of course he would take that literally—she really had to be a bit more descriptive when talking to him. She kept setting herself up for his little jokes.

"I wasn't talking about _you_ ," he replied snidely, giving her a sidelong glance before his gaze returned to the women. "I was talking about me. I could always use a little extra money." She gaped openly at him, not believing her ears. He needed money? He probably had fortunes buried all over Europe! She forced her face back into a calm expression when she saw the mocking twinkle in his eye. Two could play at that game…

"Oh, do they have a guy's night?" she asked with pseudo-interest. "I might have to check that out… it's been a while since I've been entertained." To be fair it was one night at a bachelorette party for a fellow Academy student, and she'd spent most of it covering her face in awkward embarrassment and hiding behind the more forward girls. But he didn't have to know that, did he?

"Are you bored, Police Girl?" He purred, lightly thrusting his hips while one hand snaked around hers to keep her in place as she bounced. Squeaking in alarm, she turned and smacked his chest, "Don't do that!"

He smirked, chuckling darkly, "I thought you wanted to be entertained?" He leaned in, hot breath wafting over her cheek, "I've got _centuries_ of experience."

"Did someone mention entertainment?" A booming voice cut across the room, startling Seras into looking up from her glaring at Alucard to observe a tall olive skinned male dressed like a ring master in a circus, whip and all. "Well, have I got a treat for you!" He cracked the whip upon the floor and from behind him poured a dozen tiny human girls in skimpy clothing that left nothing to the imagination. Some of them were balancing on giant balls, others doing various gymnastics, while the remainder danced like drunken idiots in flurries of short skirts, exposed underwear, and long legs.

One of the patrons reached for a dancing girl, a predatory look on his face, only for the whip to crack against his hand sharply, drawing blood. "No touching, please!" The booming voice declared cheerfully as his girls performed, and Seras snickered as she considered how easy it would be for someone to start a human trafficking rumor over hurt feelings.

She stopped laughing abruptly when two of the girls grabbed her arms and hauled her off her Master's lap to dance with her, as though she were a maypole. Stunned, she could only blink owlishly as she tried to ignore the malicious laughter echoing inside her head at her predicament. The ring leader strolled up to her and circled her like his girls before nodding and gracing her with a sharp toothed grin, "Very pretty," he approved, "if you ever want a job to pass the years, my dear, look me up." He winked and slid a card behind her ear before corralling his entertainers towards the center of the room where the table dancers had obligingly opened space.

Flattered despite herself, Seras watched them silently for another moment before strong hands curled punishingly around her waist, dragging her flush to a firm chest as her Master observed the show. When it was over, the girls disappearing as quickly as they'd come, Alucard turned to leave, forcing her to run to catch up or risk serious injury. _Not so good a mood now, is he?_ She grumbled internally, rolling her eyes as he kept an iron hold on her person, knowing there'd be bruises when she woke up next evening.

He practically threw her into the passenger seat, a stormy silence brewing between them as he floored it, pedal to the metal all the way back to Hellsing. Despite his sour grapes, or whatever had possessed him, she managed to enjoy the thrill of racing down the streets in a do or die manner that Alucard had perfected.

"So," she laughed a bit breathlessly as Hellsing Manor came into view, "Should we go back next week?"


End file.
